No. 1 JEREMY CLARKSON. Presenter. Often mocks the death of any animal, especially a fox. Has talked about exploding frogs and how to do it on ‘QI’ and along with his cronies, James May and Richard Hammond have laughed at dead cows and been instrumental in having one killed, all for the content of the frivolous ‘Top Gear’ programme. In the ‘Vietnam Special’ he was eating a meal. He held up a piece of meat and said: ”what is this? It might go moo, or tweet, or ney or go woof woof” and shrugged his shoulders. Whilst ordering another meal, he had a live snake brought to the table. He had it killed and ate the snake’s still pumping heart. When his beloved dog died he complained about the abuse he received online. During the ‘Australian special’ the 3 soap-dodgers rounded-up cows in high-performance cars, including a Bentley sports, May said ”careful, you might spoil the burgers”. He is a self-proclaimed ‘intellectual’.
No. 2 ALAN DAVIES. Actor. Self-styled vegetarian and resident stalwart of ‘QI’. Often appears on other ‘Dave’ programmes including ‘As Yet Untitled’. Mocks animals with such drivel as ‘firing cows through the air’ for what, he thinks, is comedic value. A fly landed on Bill Bailey’s hand, Davies, nonchalantly wallops them with a book and casually affects disinterest as any ignorant, gormless cunt playing to the gallery would. There is a lot about this fucker to come.
No. 3 ROMESH RANGANATHAN. Comedian. He claims to be vegan and does not mind telling everyone while referencing his culture and giving everyone side-splitting laughs with his reverse-racism. On one episode of ‘Taskmaster’ he had to hit eggs with a golf club. He made a big blousy speech on how he shouldn’t (being a vegan and all that!) and then hit the eggs which predictably broke. He had every opportunity to avoid the task prior to broadcast. He didn’t and he knows the back-story to egg production. He also appeared on ‘Would I Lie To You’ and admitted to eating a dairy cake and said: ”it’s the best thing I ever tasted”. During an episode of ‘Mock The Week’ he started his comedic drivel with: ”as a vegan”, paused, arched his eyebrows for effect, on-cue the dim audience and his gormless co-panelists laughed. Teethasaurus Beckett chimed-in: ”when we were in Birmingham you ate beef stroganov”, ”but the beef had virtually gone” said cunty Ranganathan, ”then you had cream on it” replied Beckett. Ranganathan proceeded to laugh and I am in no doubt that he uses being a vegan as part of his shit act and is indeeed mocking vegans. In fact his reverse racism dross is so flat (after all, how many times can you use the person of colour cliches!) he thinks veganism is there for the taking. If I ever meet him, I’ll be having a strong word with him about it.
No. 4 BOB MORTIMER. Comedian. Appearing on Alan Davies’ ‘As Yet Untitled’ he bragged about a programme he was involved in where he abused animals, sending one into a river that died. He laughed all the way through the illustration as did the other guests. He recently appeared in a documentary with his old crony Paul Whitehouse in ‘Gone Fishing’ where they muse over old-times while trying to be comedic while hunting fish.
No. 5 PAUL WHITEHOUSE. Mortimer’s sidekick in ‘Gone Fishing’. Both Whitehouse and Mortimer have had major surgery to keep them alive. Don’t ask me why!
Greg Davies, Alex Horne, ‘TASKMASTER’ Designers of puerile and infantile ‘tasks’. Alex Horne seems to be at the helm of the ‘tasks’ and encourages many ‘tasks’ to consist of animal parts. One task saw the ‘celebs’ bring in sheep-related items with Joe Lycett bringing a lamb shank and joking about it, along with gormless Greg Davies. Daisy May Cooper brought a ham-face product that she thought was funny (as did all the other tits including Richard Herring and Johnny Vegas) for one of the tasks. Asim Chaudhry revels in being village idiot status during his many failures on the tasks. One, ‘make a big announcement’ was announcing he was a vegan. He wasn’t and it took Greg Davies to state at the episode’s end, amid laughter, that he wasn’t a vegan. You have to question why Chaudhry would even think it was funny. Despite the horrific conditions egg-laying hens are subjected to, and chick maceration, the obnoxious Davies and Horne still include eggs in the many frivolous tasks.
The odious Alan Davies and Phil Jupitus @ ‘QI’ is a regular guest and Stephen Fry asked about the origin of horse meat and apart from the guests all having a go at ‘joking’, Sue Perkins admitted she’d eaten horse meat and found it to be ‘like wall-cavity insulation, very spongy and tasteless’. Very much like herself then.
Rob Brydon, Lee Mack and David Mitchell, stalwarts of ‘Would I Lie To You.’ The obnoxious Hammond from ‘Top Gear’ is featured. Rhodri Gilbert ‘Welsh Windbag’ talks of ”machine-gun the bats” (ho ho ho) while David Mitchell says ”you can’t machine-gun bats, it would show, but it won’t if you machine-gun a zebra” (ho fucking ho).
‘Mock The Week’ is presented by Dara O Briain (the baldy centre) and Hugh Dennis is in every episode when he is not in ‘Not Going Out’ with his chum, Lee Mack. Dara O’Brien with countryman Ed Byrne went on ‘Road Trip’ to Costa Rica. There they dressed as cowboys and herded cattle making jokes and eventually wrangled cows by lassoing them, still making jokes. On one show, a pig leaping to escape from a lorry was derided by the likes of ginger twat Josh Widdicombe leading the dismal ‘comedy’ with bald twat Dara O’Briain joining in. Milton Jones, ”I once saw a sheep pole-dancing, in a kebab shop” is his puerile contribution to the jokey forum. Ed Byrne: ”I made a hearty stew, I shot a squirrel in the garden with an air rifle”. No, nothing to laugh at in that cringing ‘joke’.
No. 6 This is going to be the panel shows where combined, all the so-called comedians, comediennes, actively denigrate animals for comedic value. Given that people of colour, disability, sexuality are now taboo, the trendy left-wing ponces see animals as a vehicle for their revolting ‘humour’. ‘Taskmaster,’ ‘QI,’ ‘Mock The Week,’ ‘Would I Lie To You,’ ‘Have I Got News For You,’ In time their attitude toward animals will be frowned upon and as with past comedians, -castigated for their views on those of difference,- will be seen as cretins. A selection of presenters and guests is shown here.
Lefty ponce Paul Merton thinks joking about ”foie gras McFlurry”, ”pheasant bun” is funny. On sheep: I recognise that carpet, it used to be my brother”. Other noteworthy gems include: ”shove a slab of ham through the letterbox, here, have some dead pig, haw haw haw”. During that ‘Have I Got News For You’ episode hosted by Gary ‘I Love Refugees And Hate Brexit’ Lineker, he chimed in: ”bacon addicts can be cured, bacon roses, um, smells nice” even though it was a still photograph! Lineker views himself as a comedian, always quipping on his staid ‘MOTD’ to fellow ex-pros.
No. 7 ‘Bolton Bigmouth’ Paddy McGuinness. Helped into show-business by his Bolton chum Peter Kay. Now a presenter on BBC’s ‘Top Gear’. In the Nepal Special he entered a shop and ordered a chicken. As it was being chopped-up and he made animated gestures at being sprayed with the chicken’s juice he joked abut it. He joked about the chicken being cooked with a blow-torch and he felt inspired to comment ”that’s how I like it, medium rare, that’s the way to do chicken”.
No. 8 ‘BIG ZUU’S BIG EATS’ ”A hungry comedian is not a funny comedian” is the by-line to this show. ‘Big Zuu with his two cronies are as gormless as it gets. He tries to be clever and funny as he wanders around feeding comedians at their venues. From the little I’ve seen of this uninspiring nonsense, he serves-up his murdered animal dishes while they all have a good laugh, at least they think they are being comedic. It is uncomfortable watching cretins and morons play-to-the-gallery.
No 9 ‘Not Going Out’ Jolly Lee Mack, devoted a whole episode to making derogatory remarks about a hairless rat. Using a sentient being as a vehicle for infantile humour shows a lack of compassion and understanding. I’m sure he could have used another topic for the butt of his one-liners.
N0. 10 Has to be all the contestants, past and present that took part in the frivolous ‘I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’. Eating ‘bush tucker’ and animal body parts while making stupid noises and infantile comments, rolling around on insects, arachnids and snakes during meaningless ‘tasks’ defies logic. Ant and Dec present this drivel and both of them are dim fuckwits.
A sample of the gormless gits on ‘Gogglebox’.
No. 11 ‘Gogglebox’ on Channel 4 has a wide-range of viewers that comment on television articles. They play-to-the-gallery, obviously, and a more dire batch of half-witted comments you would be hard-pressed to find. They try to be witty and spontaneous but in their efforts to come across as wags, they are exposed as contrived. It is a freak show, and on Nigella Lawson’s food show ‘Cook, Eat, Repeat’ in which she cooked a fried chicken sandwich, this bunch of tits offered nothing more than puerile nonsense.
No. 11 Frank Skinner hosts ‘Room 101’. In one episode, the question of ‘Crocs’ arose and he explained that he likes to mince his own meat and displayed it by forcing meat through the holes in the shoes. What mind would think that remotely funny when he could have used an alternative example for comedic value, one that didn’t include a murdered animal.
No. 12 Richard Ayoade hosts the ‘Travel Man’ series in which he takes a number of different celebrities per episode to foreign climes where they taste the local food. He takes Eddie Izzard to Slovenia. They order octopus, 80-day-old beef and veal calf brain. ”I’m not liking that” says Ayoade, referring to the calf brain. Izzard, ”it’s kind of mushroomy”. Ayoade, grimacing, ”I just chewed on a piece of frontal lobe”. Both Ayoade (a pompous, pretentious comedian that likes to think he is a ‘wit’) and Izzard, (also a pompous oaf) make jokes about animals in the most abusive way, a pair of obnoxious cunts that are part of the lefty-luvvie clique of comedians found on Dave Ja Vu. In fact, most of Ayoade’s travel pals are the same mob in this Obituary Column.
No. 13 Sara Pascoe, vegan! Sat next to Paul Merton on ‘Have I Got News For” she claimed: ”I was thrown out of the vegan society for not being hard-core enough”. The vegan society is not a hot-bed of activism, she is a liar, or in reality, she is trying to be funny at the expense of vegans. She also does not accept that phrases such as ”flog a dead horse, ” ”bring home the bacon” should be replaced or that veganism should be classed as a ‘religion’ saying: ”it’s what you have on your plate.” The vegan movement could do without Pascoe who treats veganism as a vehicle for her crappy comedy.
No. 14 Jon Richardson. In his ‘Meet The Richardsons’ TV show, his wife Lucy says: ”he’s a vegan”. Is that a mocking of vegans or true? Well, Jon Richardson drives a Mitsubishi SUV with full leather interior. His shoes are suspect. He was carting a leather Chesterfield down the stairs in his home and on the kitchen work-top was an open tin of ‘Quality Street’. He also makes animal ‘jokes’ on panel shows.
No. 15 James Corden. Made his name in sitcom ‘Gavin And Stacey’ a droll piece of shit. He then did some football-related programmes and a series in America where he drives around with celebs playing music and singing-along
The running-theme through all his roles is his loud mouth. He now does a ‘Weight Watchers’ advert in which he cooks/eats animal remains while making comedic drivel. The things celebrities will do for money, with no shame about it. The day will come when they will be accountable for their odious antics and it will be interesting to hear their feeble excuses. Currently, he is fronting a WeightWatchers advert. Times must be tight for the overweight Corden. His career has nosedived to the extent that he has to expose his fattiness in order to earn a few quid, and cooking murdered animals in the process. The script for this ad is a dire piece of unfunny shit, but Corden’s effeminate hand gesture is worth a look.
No. 16 Rob Beckett. A regular on ‘Mock The Week’ and other panel shows, this unfunny Leftie-Luvvie, (complete with fake high-pitched girlie-giggle) is a loudmouth with twice the amount of teeth as is normal. Appearing on ‘Crouchy’s Live Euro’ show, Beckett showed film of himself in a pissed-up state, lying in a gutter (home to him) trying to joke about eating chicken while the police looked-on.
No. 17 David Tennant. ‘Have I Got A Bit More News For You’ regularly has a guest host, and the one-time ‘Dr Who’ frontman got his opportunity to try his luck at comedy. I understand that most hosts work to a script via ‘Autocue’ so he may not have authored the piece concerning ‘giant donkeys, however, ‘Romulous’ was depicted as ‘before and after,’ the latter being a leather sofa. Everyone laughed, including the audience, and I fail to see how that was amusing at all. Society has decided that animals have no standing and are open targets for crass remarks. What would be funny is to upcycle Tennant’s mother into a lampshade, or Merton’s father into a pair of hiking boots, I’d have a moment with that.
No. 18 This load of shallow cowards. They took part in ‘Sugar Free Farm’ in 2017. I watched in horror as they stood
around a pig enclosure laughing and joking about which pigs to mark for slaughter. And Joe Pasquale feigning revulsion and claiming he was going to become vegetarian, which was short-lived and only a load of claptrap for the gallery. History catches-up with assholes, whether they be paedophiles, serial killers, et al and this lot of low-life ponces will one day be identified as animal abusers.
Peter Davison, best known as the fifth incarnation of the Doctor in Doctor Who, former MP for the Conservative Party Ann Widdecombe, This Morning’s Alison Hammond, TOWIE’s Gemma Collins and father and son dancing duo Stavros Flatley, joined Joe Pasquale in the show’s weight loss challenge.
No. 19 Adrian Edmondson. Travels around in the Yorkshire Dales and in one episode visited a family-run f/harm where lots of murdered animal remains were on offer. This one-time ‘Young Ones’ funster made light of the occasion: ”you’ve got lots of nice stuff in there”. Asked about his Scotch egg, he replied ”yes, I’ll have another one”. All said with his comedic view. In other episodes he visited a dairy f/harm, where young calves are tethered by the face to a fence, apparently being groomed by the f/harmer’s children to be shown at an agricultural show. Needless to say, there were no bull calves in sight and that’s because they are killed at birth. Still, Edmondson wouldn’t be the person to ask such a poignant question, he only wants to present a feel-good image of dairy f/harming. Ditto his vapid comments when a woman and her children took lambs to auction, a sure fate they will be sent to slaughter.
No. 20 Andy Parsons. Baldie egg timer with a face like a squashed fart, this comedy luvvie is a stalwart of ‘Mock The Week’. On chickens: ”I can buy a chicken from Morrisons for £8 yet buy 2 for £2 from Sainsbury’s. I can throw 7 away and still have 1 left, haw haw”. If only his life was as meaningless and trivial so’s to be able to dump him in a bin, along with his dire routine. On the issue of David Cameron and the pig’s head he said: ‘you stick an apple in a pig’s head, but Cameron stuck his plums in”!
No. 21. Jack Dee. Appearing in ‘Insert Name Here’, Josh Widdicombe mentioned he was a vegeterian and had all the vegetables and Yorkshire pud. Dee claimed ”you shouldn’t be allowed to have vegetables if you don’t have meat”. Dee is past his sell-by-date and shouldn’t be on television.
No. 22. Phil Tufnell. This former England spin bowler (of sorts) has appeared in ‘I’m A celebrity’ and was team captain on ‘A Question Of Sport’. He Has built his reputation on playing the hapless fool and offering dim rhetoric for comedic value. Whatever Tufnell turns his hand to, there is going to be banality to follow. He featured in a programme ‘This Could Go Anywhere’ which took place in New Zealand where Tufnell teamed-up with former cricketer, McMullen. Tufnell joins in eel hunting, enjoying a traditional Maori meal of lamb, chicken and beef, and fishing, all the while trotting-out banal, dull drivel. ‘Tuffers’ as he is fondly known is without doubt one of the most intellectually barren assholes that was paid by television to offer his brand of comedy.
No. 23. David Mitchell. Team captain on ‘Would I Lie To You’ and regular on ‘QI XL’ and other comedy shows hosted by his comedian chums, all a bit incestuous. On an episode where ”This Is My” is a segment of the show, a f/harmer appeared and ‘Mary’ (Mitchell’s team-mate) claimed she ”sang songs to them on Christmas eve, prior to their slaughter. Mitchell quipped: ”you have to sing to them before they go for the chop to anticipate their deliciousness”, and went on to claim: ”don’t sing to them, send them to the abbatoir, a spa with knives”. Pascoe (fake vegan ) was in the opposing team and laughed along with this dire display of trivialising animals. His new show is ‘Outsiders’ and takes place in a wood where contestants, Toussaint Douglass, Jessica Knappett, Lou Sanders, Ed Gamble, Jamali Maddix and Kerry Godliman compete against each other to gain task-badges. Having cut down trees, they competed for a badge which saw goats being milked. 3 goats tethered to posts while the kids watched from a pen saw the ‘gang’ attempt to milk them and cook Mitchell a meal. Lou Sanders, a vegan, protested that the milk is for the kids, Mitchell said: ”I don’t know what their long-term prospects are, I doubt they are going to university”. Cue laughter from them all and just another throwaway remark about animal abuse. They then started to manhandle the goats, joking and fooling around as if the goats were objects. Goats do not like humans pulling at their mammaries, they prefer their babies to suckle at them. Mitchell remarks on Day 3: ”there isn’t many musical instruments, they might find a dead blackbird or a badger on a stick they can bang on a log”. Other gems from the Cambridge educated wag also: ”a badger is not going to come back from that, if it is hit on the head” and ”I’m going to order a cab and get a Deliveroo driver to blah blah a chicken korma blah”. It should be noted that Mitchell gratuitously refers to animals where there is no reference to animals, it’s his back-up script, in much the same way as he is constantly quipping about penises. Ed Gamble tells of the time he cooked a lobster and Mitchell chimes in with his elaborate version while Sanders talks of once”accidentally waterboarding a mouse”. Jessica Knappett, on shepherding three piglets: ”come on bacon. Did you hear the funny name I gave her”? ”I am going to have to take stock of the size of this snack”.
The pancakes that ‘vegan’ Sanders made had plant milk in them and probably egg but what the hell, celebrity vegan comedians ditch their ethics for fame and fortune. She is a fake vegan, end-of. She also did a skit with Gamble using hot dogs as the theme. It’s not clear where the goats came from. They had ear-tags, a requirement for all food animals, it would be understandable if they came from a f/harm, it’s how they operate. If a sanctuary supplied the goats for a trivia television show, to be exploited and commodified, then it needs to shut down now. This show is another in a line of gratuitous, insipid, frivolous content where egos are put above animal abuse.
No. 24. Tim Vine. Some of this dullard’s groanalong comedy routine: “I’m against hunting. I’m actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.” “I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.” This ad-libbing quipper uses animals to prop-up his dire act.
No. 24. Paul Merton. Already mentioned here in the group section. Merton failed the 11-plus, which to be fair was a snobby selection programme in its day. Merton has always denigrated animals, he sees them as a vehicle for his so-called dour humour. There is no question that Merton is a lefty-luvvie and would frown upon the 70’s comedians for their choice of victimising and belittling the peer-groups within their subject-matter. Manning and Davidson are taboo in the eyes of the modern comedians. That is why they now use animals to pillory. Merton will never make any ‘jokes’ concerning cancer (nor would others) yet having a fish supper is fine. In his ‘Great British Road Trip’ with 3rd wife Suki Webster, they go to Minehead and take a boat to fish. Both Merton And Suki find it amusing to manhandle fish, a dogfish and a shark and think it’s funny to hoist these animals from their home without considering the stress they are putting them through. Perhaps comedians should look at the films of the various animals they freely mock and understand that the miserable lives inflicted upon them by humans is no more funnier than mocking someones’ gender or disability. That is the problem with comedians, they don’t give thought to the harm they are promoting by trivialising the animals they readily insult.
N0. 25. Jo Brand. Fat ugly slapper Brand (her words) appears on many panel shows with her clique of luvvies. She also hosts such shows as ‘Have I Got A Bit More News’. The item about a pig following a man home, she commented that they (the police) ”grilled the pig for several hours”. The item concerning squid and octopi, where scientists believe they are aliens, having come as organisms from another planet, she remarked ”570 million years before calamari”. Not only is Brand ugly to view, she is ugly to listen to.
No. 26. Ed Gamble. Another luvvie in the clique who features in many of the trendy panel shows. A stalwart of ‘Mock The Week’ he likes to believe he is a quick-witted wonder-guy and regularly dominates the section ‘Things’ where six divs compete with imaginary monologues, Gamble always preens after delivering his lines, somehow basking in his perceived glory. For no apparent reason, he said ”cows don’t bounce” without there being any reference point for such a dull quip.
No. 27. Maisie Adam. Dresses in the style of a 60’s Mod slut with a foul mouth. In a ‘Mock The Week’ sketch she likened her kinky underwear as being ”trussed like a pork joint in a butcher’s window”. She also claimed: ”I am a £40 steak tartare, not a ‘Wimpy’ burger”.
No. 28. Jessica Knappett. Another luvvie of the comedy circuit/’Dave’ panel shows. On ‘Question Team’ a guest sets a question. The question was: how are pigeons viewed? For no apparent reason other than Knappett thought her remark amusing, she looked at the picture of the pigeon and said: ”it looks dead. I’d like to hack its head off and shove it in a drawer”. Ayode hosts the show and he wrote that pigeons are ”low gravity rats” which had no relevance to the question. His animal abusing rhetoric is historic.