No. 1 JEREMY CLARKSON. Presenter. Often mocks the death of any animal, especially a fox. Has talked about exploding frogs and how to do it on ‘QI’ and along with his cronies, James May and Richard Hammond have laughed at dead cows and been instrumental in having one killed, all for the content of the frivolous ‘Top Gear’ programme. When his beloved dog died he complained about the abuse he received online.

No. 2 ALAN DAVIES. Actor. Self-styled vegetarian and resident stalwart of ‘QI’. Often appears on other ‘Dave’ programmes including ‘As Yet Untitled’. Mocks animals with such drivel as ‘firing cows through the air’ for what, he thinks, is comedic value.

No. 3 ROMESH RANGANATHAN. Comedian. He claims to be vegan and does not mind telling everyone while referencing his culture and giving everyone side-splitting laughs with his reverse-racism. On one episode of ‘Taskmaster’ he had to hit eggs with a golf club. He made a big blousy speech on how he shouldn’t (being a vegan and all that!) and then hit the eggs which predictably broke. He had every opportunity to avoid the task prior to broadcast. He didn’t and he knows the back-story to egg production.

No. 4 BOB MORTIMER. Comedian. Appearing on Alan Davies’ ‘As Yet Untitled’ he bragged about a programme he was involved in where he abused animals, sending one into a river that died. He laughed all the way through the illustration as did the other guests.

No. 5